Confessions of a Chain-Coker

Hi, my name is Paul Hamilton and I'm an addict.

My addiction? I'm a Diet Coke-head.

My love affair with this bubbly, sweet, calorie-free beverage has been going on for more years than I can count. I'm hooked. It's forever.

Of course there are naysayers who want me to give up my true love. They try to scare me with things like, the aspartame will kill you (and it might), the aspartame will cause your brain lining to rot (and it might), the aspartame will trick your body into producing more insulin and cause weight gain (give me a break, it's zero calories). Nope, I'm not scared.

My love is strong.

That said, Diet Coke (or DC — my pet name) and I do not see each other as often as we used to. There was time when we were inseparable. DC would spend all day by my side. We went shopping, to the movies, out for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, took drives in the car. We vacationed together. DC came to work with me everyday. We went to every meeting together, always there for support.

DC even became part of our company culture. The sound a new can cracking open meant Paul had arrived. Half empty cans would be found around the office — proof I had been there. The recycling bin piled high: the tell-tale signs of a Chain-Coker.

At my peak, I would drink roughly 12, 13 cans a day. One first thing in the morning, one on the way to work, two before lunch, one at lunch, two or three in the afternoon, one on the way home, and three or four before bed. There were even times that I would wake up in the middle of the night, go downstairs to the kitchen, crack open my DC, chug it, and go back to bed.

Some days the only water to to touch my lips was when I brushed my teeth.

That's when I knew that my love had turned to obsession. So, I decided to give it up . Not because it would kill me, or eat my brain lining, or make me fat (still don't buy that), but because a person needs some water sometimes and I needed to see if I could do it.

So that was it, no Diet Coke. Everyone rejoiced. And surprisingly it wasn't that hard. But as the weeks went on, I missed it. I missed the cracking can, I missed the cold bubbles, I missed it all. I started to drink one or two a week — A WEEK. That was will-power. But then I thought, "I could still have one a day, couldn't I?" Of course I could. Who was going to stop me? And as long as I was drinking plenty of water, that was fine with me.

So, how did it all net out? Well, I drink around 2 or 3 cans per day. I'm happy. That's as low as I can go. Don't ask for more. I love it and I want it!

And... zero calories never made anyone fat. There, I said it.

Now what?

Do it: Drink more Diet Coke... kidding. Drink it if you want to, but also drink your eight glasses of water. I like to take a big 1.5 litre bottle to work and drink it all day. Few more glasses at night and I'm good.

Eat it: BBQ homemade hamburger with salad

Work out with it: Uprising - Muse

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Finally a cheeseburger!

My house is so funny right now. I've never known two people so careful about every word they say! The shut up rule is hilarious. Tonight while watching a commercial I said, "You know what...uh... never mind." Chris, "No problem." Close escape...

So far, so good!

Neither of us have cheated on our "paying attention to our eating" and it's getting easier every day. Weight is down, energy is up — I need to pee, really I need to pee... just a minute.

OK, hands washed, let's keep going. This might be a good time to remind you to drink plenty of water. So drink plenty of water, it's just good for you.

I told you that Chris and I haven't cheated since we started last Wednesday, but that was a lie. On Saturday, we had a cheat... A BIG ONE! But even with our cheating, neither of us did any extra evening walks (see Rule#2). Sorry McCully, sorry Mollie, maybe next week...

How is this possible?

Rule#3: Take a day off, dude! You can't be a diet and exercise robot all week long. And, completely limiting your treats and fun foods is the fastest way to disaster. All those trigger foods that you have been shutting up about and removing from your cupboards are the foods that make you the happiest. It's your chips, and cake, and cookies, and chocolate, and candy, and cheeseburgers. All the delicious C-words!

So, one day a week take a day off. Eat what you want. 7 days is much easier to hold out for than never. The rule to this is to decide which day is going to be your cheat day in advance. I like Saturday. That way I can enjoy popcorn at the movies, or dinner out with nachos, or a cheeseburger and fries (or both), or movies at home with a bag of chips and ice-cream (or all of it).

Plan next week's cheat day on this week's cheat day. That way there is a plan. It's not haphazard. If it's not planned in advance then any day coming up could be the cheat. And, of course, who will bring it up in the moment? If you do, isn't that breaking Rule#1: Shut Up?

This day will be a lifesaver in the beginning and use it, eat whatever you want, but you will find as you go forward your cheating will get less and less. You'll end up just needing a few indulgences to feel satisfied.

What did we eat? Lunch: Nachos to start followed by cheeseburgers and fries. Dinner: Ham and scalloped potatoes with cheese, coleslaw, carrots, and broccoli and apple crumble for dessert (thanks Paul and Dianne). Snack: cupcakes and Coke Woot woot!

So those are the rules:

Rule#1 Shut Up

Rule#2 No cheating, duh

Rule#3 Take a day off dude

Simple.

Coming soon... hmmm this will just have to remain a mystery for now.

Now what?

Do it: Pick your cheat day. Pick it now. You'll have something to look forward to...

Eat it: Berries with yogurt on top. Pick your favourite!

Workout with it: What A Wonderful World (ft. Ron Caroll) - Axwell & Bob Sinclar

Finally, my mom replied to my last post. It's too funny and shows you exactly where I get my love of eating from. By the way Vivian is her trainer — I think...

Since I share the same DNA, all of this requires no explanation. It's all or nothing, baby. I have purchased 2 - no, make that 3, Easter eggs for you, dear son - just the kind you like - UK Cadbury & expensive - over the past 3 weeks, one per week. Why, you ask, have I bought three eggs for you to date? Because, silly, I keep eating them. And why do I keep eating them? Because I can. The second replacement egg is a different kind from the first two because if I am to cheat again, I would like to cheat with a different filling - it would never do to be bored.

So if Easter doesn't hurry up and take place, I am going to have gained about 10 lbs before I daintily accept my own gift of eggs on Easter Sunday from my loving family. "Thank you, I will say; I love Easter. If you stay long enough after dinner, I might even offer you share." And I shall back away with a guilty look on my face that says, "Like that's going to happen!"

Sooooooo, please, children, hurry up and leave so I can dive into my lovely Brit Cadbury eggs - a sinful, chocolaty party for one. Calories? We'll worry about that tomorrow, Vivian!

Throw away the chips

I knew someone who could unwrap a KitKat, eat one stick, and then put the rest away for later — seriously! Everything in moderation they said.

For some people everything in moderation works. But you need to know what foods are your "trigger foods". For example, I can't have a bag of chips in the cupboard, have a few, put the bag back, and have a few more the next day. If I open the bag, I'm eating the bag, and since I ate the bag, I might as well order a pizza, and if I'm going to order a pizza... here we go again.

The gate is opened.

I like everything in moderation, I prefer "some things" in moderation. We need a variety of foods, we have a lot of taste buds, they all need satisfying. We simply can't eat chicken boobs and leaves for very long. We've all tried, right? How long did you last? Two days? Two minutes?

Nope forget it! Eat the foods you like. Don't cut out bread, and pasta, and potatoes, and butter, and all the things you think are "bad". Just eat less — half a bagel instead of a whole one. We've all heard this before, we get it.

Unfortunately though there are some things that need to go. The trigger foods. For me it's all the junk. I can't eat one cookie, I need the whole bag. I can't eat a slice of pizza, I need the whole XL with double cheese. So, when Chris and I are paying attention to what we eat (sounds better than dieting) we don't allow those foods in the house and we SHUT UP about them. For you, a slice of pizza with a salad might be all you need — no trigger. For you, potatoes might be your trigger, although I don't anyone who eats a potato and then needs to eat the whole bag...

So, trigger foods are off-limits, which brings me to Rule#2.

Rule#2 No cheating. Well duh, but you just can't break this one. I've gained over 30lbs breaking this one. Chris has gained even more breaking this one. We get it but how do we stop breaking it?

Oh, I know... consequences, two of them. The fear of an extra morning walk with Mollie and McCully (see last post) worked so well to "shut us up", how about a whole WEEK of mornings for cheating. Awesome, right?

That works if one of us cheats, but what if we both do? Now, I don't think this will ever happen, since just talking about it has a consequence (Rule#1), but this plan has to be air-tight — fool proof. Paul and Chris proof.

So, if it completely goes off the rails and my living room turns into a buffet, we have agreed that we will add an extra evening dog-walk for a week. At least that way we might burn off the binge. By the way, I'm just waiting now for the dogs to start tempting us for the extra walk. Can we interest you in this Twinkie?

OK, we have two rules so far:

1. Shut Up

2. No cheating, duh

There is a third, which I will tell you, I am enjoying completely today...

PS I've lost 5 lbs so far and I've hit the gym every day. Let me know how you're doing? Then get to the gym.

Now what?

Do it: What are your trigger foods? Get them out of the house, and make them off-limits — be ruthless. Make up your own totally vile and completely irritating consequence for cheating with the trigger foods.

Eat it: Celery with cream cheese or peanut butter (just a little)

Workout with it: Slow (Chemical Brothers Remix) - Kylie Minogue

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Shut up and get started

Welcome to my first post!

Two nights ago I had a moment of clarity. After spending the last few years packing on over 30lbs, I need to get creative. Dieting and working out is always on my mind, but rarely actually happens. My weakness is night-time indulging (read binging) with my partner Chris, who has been gaining right along with me.

We call "the binge" a "feast" — sounds better right — and it usually consist of some kind of fast food (Burger King, McDonald's, Taco Bell, KFC, Wendy's, Pizza Hut, the list goes on), followed by chips, and/or ice-cream, and/or chocolate bars, and/or licorice, and/or cookies, and/or... you get the point. I've earned my spare tire. It's been hard work.

We even invented the Chocolate Salad.

Here is the recipe:

Ingredients
8-10 chocolate bars

*Maltesers and Rollo are good additions as they are already bite size

Directions
1. Break chocolate into pieces

2. Dump into a bowl
3. Eat

mmmmm, where was I? Oh yeah, clarity! I realized that none of this food made it into my house without someone weakening and then dragging down the other. What if we weren't allowed to even talk about all the bad stuff we wanted to eat? And what if there were consequences to mentioning it? This got me thinking...

At the next commercial, I told Chris we needed to lose weight. I say that most nights. Then I said we needed to make some rules. The commercials ended, Lost was back on, and we never made the rules.

The next day I remembered my plan and called Chris to get the rules in place before I got home. I even went to the gym at lunch and shocked the regular office gym crew.

Anyway, the rules:

Rule#1 No talking about "off-limits" foods (this is the shut up part). This includes everything mentioned above. Not allowed are, "You know what I feel like eating tonight.." or "How about ice-cream?" or "That looks good, should we order it?"

I know it sounds nuts, but if we can't bring it up, it can't happen. Nobody is dragged down. The initial thought is never mentioned — perfect, right?

Maybe, but what if there were consequences? I came up with a good one... or two. We have two Irish Setters, McCully and Mollie, and anyone who has dogs knows the morning walk is the worst, THE WORST. Getting out of the warm bed, getting dressed, going out into the cold, and waiting for 2 dogs to take their morning poops kinda sucks. Typically we alternate mornings, but if the rule is broken the person who breaks it needs to take the other person's next morning. Believe me, we love our dogs, but neither of us is into an extra morning.

Last night we tested Rule#1. Commercial after commercial came on TV advertising all kinds of delicious, but neither of us said a word for fear of the extra morning walk... success!

OK, let's save Rule#2 for next time... I will tell you the consequences get BIGGER.

Now what?

Do it: Set up Rule#1 and agree on a consequence, make it a good one that you will absolutely hate, the more tedious or disgusting, the better.

Snack on it: strawberries and cottage cheese

Workout with it: Heartbreak Make Me A Dancer - Freemasons ft. Sophie Ellis-Bextor *available at itunes